For
purposes of anonymity our endearing couple of interest shall remain assumed
under the celebrated names of Mr and Mrs Glichrist. The tale to be told relates
a true to life social banter and the curious case of one Mrs Hargreves and a
curious twist of coffee.
On a
cold Winter’s evening in the year 1881 Mr and Mrs Gilchrist decided to have a soirée for their immediate social circle
in and around the leafy suburban London district of Hampstead. Mr Gilchrist.
was a retired major of the Coldstream Guards, quite and unassuming and quite
content to drift into the fading light of obscurity, whilst his spouse, the
enchanting Mrs Gilchrist, never quite could find a single moment from her own
little world of acclaim and fortune with her home-made cakes and pastries that were always in considerable demand.
The opening
topic of discussion that evening was the Boer War or commonly known as the
Transvaal War in south Africa which involved a fight by the local Boer Dutch
descendant inhabitants and the British army.
It was hardly the sort of conversation that would grace an evening
dinner. However politics being politics and what with the recent disaster of
the battle of Majuba Hill where the British had been outwitted by a rag-tag and
poorly-equipped motley crew of locals; the
very subject matter could not be contained and at once became the foremost
concern arousing an animated discussion considering the precarious predicament
of the beleaguered armed forces.
Cordial
receptions aside the artful Mrs Gilchrist sought to usher her guests from the
drawing room as fast as possible in an attempt to change the course of the
conversation. All the guests to the number of fourteen, not including the host
and hostess, were thus led into the dining room promptly at eight o’ clock in
the evening and seated . As the guests took their turns to be seated, with
couples drawn apart and seated in sequence of man next to woman ,so as to
enliven the conversation, a sumptuous
array of hor d'oeuvres were placed at the center of the table by the dexterous
hands of the waiting staff. L’hor d'oeuvres was indeed a wonderful
collection of delicacies carefully selected by Mrs Gilchrist to incite the
taste buds into excitement over a fine selection of cheeses, crackers, breads,
slices of salmon, some crisp grapes and
salads of all sorts, sweet meats and a fine selection of lightly chilled
Chardonnay to quench the thirst.
It
is at this point of wonderful social discourse at the dinner table under the
directions of the hostess Mrs Gilchrist we now turn our attention to the real
subject matter of our tale being the curious and aged spinster Mrs Hargreves.
Now, Mrs
Hargreves, apart from being a rather distinguished and venerable septuagenarian
of considerable interest, would strike the observer as rather contradictory for
all her fine eloquence of clothing and pleasantly cheerful demeanor, the woman would appear entirely
bereft of speech let alone a few words of conversation! Indeed, it would appear
to become quite an enormous feat to extract from the smiling personality
anything more than a few one liners such as ‘quite!” or “wonderful” or some other singular phrase
and adjective to sum up her position in an utterly Spartan fashion.
The
Minute hand of the wall clock moving along and at the stroke of nine with
excellent preparation the waiting staff skillfully removed the left over parts
of the fine hor d'oeuvres, weaving in and out of the light gossip and banter
with an absolute choice discretion. Then as the laughter would almost reach a
new crescendo in would come the main courses of roast beef, assorted
vegetables, and other meats. Lost within the rapture of the presentation of the
new course, it was at this moment that none of the guests would have noticed
the odd disappearance of the aid subject matter herself; Mrs Hargreves. Unknown
to the social group it was at this point that our beloved septuagenarian had
discovered a puppy curled up close to her feet adoringly fast asleep an
seemingly oblivious to the entire worldly fracas of the dinner party. Unobserved amid the social banter and
laughter Mrs Hargreves feeling the breathing puppy at her foot decided to bend
beneath the table sheet and take a closer look.
The
dinner roast was an enormous success and with all the guests entirely satisfied
at the stroke of eleven the excellent group of waiters reopened the drawing
room double doors with the announcement of coffee being served. Now it is not
known why during the history of social coffee drinking that the remarkable and
exhilarating beverage was known to have been served after dinner and not
before. Nevertheless, coffee was
announced at the stroke of eleven and all the guest rose in union to congregate
in the drawing room with lively spirits.
By
the stroke of twelve it came to the attention of Mrs Gilchrist that the odd septuagenarian
was indeed nowhere to be seen at all? Puzzled at such absence Mrs Gilchrist
called aside one of her serving staff so as to enquire as to whether anyone had
recently seen the old lady retire to the private rooms. Receiving an answer to
her dissatisfaction Mrs Gilchrist promptly began to assume a worried
expression. Without further ado or show of any consternation to her guests Mrs Gilchrist
requested that her serving staff should search the house in an unobtrusive and
as discrete manner as possible immediately. Thus, with absolute discretion and
with precise and methodical care, the serving staff retired into the background
of the coffee conversation without the slightest observance, to embark upon an
investigative search for the gentle old lady in question. Several minutes gone
by and with no sight of any of her serving staff Mrs Gilchrist began to wonder
what on earth could have happened to her guest. They searched within, they
searched without, upstairs and downstairs, from private rooms to public
throughout the house and with no result. Meanwhile the coffee conversation was going
on with great and express delight to Mr Gilchrist. Some o the serving staff had just gone round
with a selection of fine dark chocolate mints to complement the particularly
fine coffee blend that was already enveloping the room with a fine aroma to
enrich the evening conversation.
Time
passing by Mrs Gilchrist had determined that was enough was enough and rose
with ease to retire to the dining room where the poor old lady in question was
last seen. Her serving staff already expressing their utter bewilderment to the
puzzle could only add to the confounding atmosphere as Mrs Gilchrist sought to
examine the facts at hand at the scene of her last sighting. It was at that very
moment of enquiring conversation that one of the staff, looking down at some
cake crumbs on the floor, happened to notice a tail of a dog wagging to and fro
in joyful frolic. All of a sudden, Mrs Gilchrist realizing that the dog must
have escaped from it’s upstairs confinement, reached down to draw the table
cloth to rescue the pup when indeed a foot was sighted and lo and behold the
most startling discovery was made as the question of the whereabouts of the old
lady began to unravel itself in the most startling revelation that indeed the
old lady was fast asleep under the table besides the puppy she had discovered
and played with during the entire dinner conversation!
Mystery
resolved and answers satisfied greatly, Mrs Gilchrist reached for a cushion with attentive care and
bent down under the table to place under the old lady’s sleepy head without any
disturbance and thus quietly retired to leave the old lady and pup, whilst the
coffee conversation and evening could continue to the general satisfaction of
all present!
Pass the coffee please!
Regards all ...
Pieter Bergli
For those of my readers that have an eye for the fine arts then kindly grab a cup of decent coffee and turn to:
